Do you ever look back on an event in your life and remember that while you were in it you said, "Why, why, why is this happening to me?," and then later on realize exactly what that event brought to you? I can see it now. I can see the amazing growth in myself from the hardest events of my life. I am such a different person than I used to be. There have been drastic changes from as early as even a year ago. Thank goodness I am not that person that I see when I read over old journal entries. As I reflect, I am left wondering what the latest events have in store for me.

Happiness is a choice.

I am a big fan of choices. I may have a hard time choosing sometimes, but I really hate it when I am not given a choice (even if it's the right one that I am forced to). It also bothers me when people don't respect other peoples right to choose. You have that right, why shouldn't everyone else?

There are seemingly infinite choices before me now. Anything could happen, and what will I choose?

Random

* I got my first real haircut yesterday. I never thought that I would have bangs again after my "Charlie Girl" attempt in fifth grade. Ugh, I try not to remember that one.

* It feels so great to be able to fix my own car! Thank you Dad.

* It is amazing when you find a song that you can listen to over and over and completely relate to, but it is that much better when you discover an entire album of gems.

* I can remember the exact moment when my heart opened to the beauty of Las Cruces. It is hot here, and I may not want to stay in this city forever, but it is a great place.

* Even with all the bad lately, I know that something good is coming. I don't know what it is - but it's going to be so great that I can't even imagine it.

* I am remembering that I learned a while ago that it is possible to lie to yourself and not realize it. Now I am scrutinizing myself, looking for the signs of the bad liar that I know I am. Do second chances really exist or am I fabricating it just to make myself feel better?

* I am really bad at surprising people. I get ideas and then can't keep them to myself. I had a good one in the making recently, and I was doing so good at keeping the lid on it. Sadly, due to things beyond my power, I will not get the chance to see it through.

* Sometimes I am tempted to fork over the cash to buy Uncorked, a little known movie that is one of my favorites. Now is one of those times.

* The letter L on my keyboard has decided not to work unless I punch it. Times like these I think again about getting a Mac.

* I have amazing friends!

* I am excited that Tommy is going to be in Albuquerque. As a part of my decision to do more 'planned spontaneity' (that makes sense but makes no sense at the same time), I am figuring out a way to go to the concert. He always puts on a great show. I'll never forget my amazement at his talent when I first saw him perform in Logan. It blew me away, and I didn't even think I liked guitar music then. It was a ridiculous attempt at trying to find common ground in a relationship that was failing. I knew that. However, the music really did win me over, and eventually it really did form into common ground with that person.

* I've discovered an amazing restaurant - that I can eat at. Often times I feel disappointed after going out to eat. It is a let down to realize that I could have made a better meal than the one that is brought to me. With my dietary restrictions it is also very difficult to find more than two or three things on any given menu that I can actually have without getting sick later. However, at this restaurant I have almost the entire menu to choose from. On top of that, I could even have their dessert without feeling the least bit guilty. Yeah for Thai food! Yeah for hole-in-the-wall local eateries! I will be returning.

Different place, different things

Why don't people in New Mexico know about dutch oven cooking? I've been trying to figure that one out. After I mentioned a favorite dutch oven dish of mine to someone and got absolutely no reaction, I started to wonder. It was confirmed after asking someone else - they don't know about it. I must say that they are all missing out. I may just have to make some dutch oven potatoes sometime.

I ate peas fresh from the garden today. One of my favorite things. A suprise of this place that I like - my garden. There is no way I would be able to have all the things I have growing so early in Logan or Grace. I feel somewhat bad for those up north who are not able to safely plant anything until after memorial day (but inside I am laughing delightfully).

My apartment smells like onions. I think that it will smell like onions for two years straight. I may just turn into an onion. After all, I do have many layers. Maybe the winds here will blow the smell away.

I miss the true seasons. I miss the cool air. I miss the mountains. I miss loved ones.

I enjoy the pines around my apartment and how in the morning it reminds me of waking up in the woods. I enjoy incredibly nice neighbors. I enjoy feeling more unique. I enjoy such a mix of people.

It is different here, that is a given; and even though it is prolonged - I am starting to recognize things that I like. I'm sure this will be a place I will not forget, a place that will be it's own unique gem. Yet, however cliche it is there is no place like home.

A Day of Firsts in the Garden

It was a day of a few firsts. I spotted and got rid of quite a few worms after noticing that the holes in my brussels sprout and cabbage leaves were suddenly large overnight. And to think that I thought the butterfly I saw a day or two ago was too pretty to shoo away.... I have a feeling there will be more on the way. There will be no more free stays.

Today was also the first day that my squash has flowered! I did not expect that so soon. My spaghetti squash had a flower and my crookneck had a flower (with a small fruit too!).

This is the spaghetti squash.

The beginning of a fruit is just visible on one of the crookneck squash plants.

Today was also the first harvest of something from the garden. I decided that the arugula was big enough to eat some. Yum.

I'm getting the first of the pea pods forming too. I love fresh garden peas, so I can't wait.